glutton for punishment or just stuck

I'm watching him chase one of my dearest friends. Another girl who will never see him the way that I do. She'll never know him like I do. If she does... it won't matter. He's shorter than her which is something she will never go for. NO EXCEPTIONS! Ha. Maybe then, when it all goes down... after you have fallen for her hardcore and then she tells you she could never see you that way, you will know how it feels. Maybe she will even ask you to still be one of her best friends like your feelings for her can be pushed aside...
I will cross my fingers for you to know what it's like. Maybe that is too evil. Right now I just don't care about being the bigger person. I hate the position that I am in. Something about me is not good enough for you. Don't tell me that you don't know why, or that you have no reason not to like me back because then you are just lying. There has to be a reason, otherwise you would feel the same way about me as I feel for you.
Why do I stay your friend when I can't handle it? Maybe it's just because we have all of the same friends and I'm just stuck with you. Trying to be the best person I can, by not making awkward and acting like everything is fine. Or maybe I would rather be miserable and have you around than pretend that you don't exist and move on. Neither of these solutions is a good one...
I want to be happy... and you are in the way. Something needs to change. Maybe it's me. I should become different. Make guys want me for the wrong reasons. Why can't a guy just see me for who I really am and actually see me as more than a friend, or more than just one of the guys. Maybe it's just because I'm not attractive. That's what I feel the real answer is.
By the way, I really wish that everyone would stop telling me that I deserve better or that I am amazing and will find someone who is spectacular. Something is wrong with me and it definitely turns all guys away. Quit telling me that I am great or amazing.... The obvious lack of a line of guys following me proves it, I am NOT anything special.
I hate this.

What is wrong with me?

It's the question that is repeating itself over and over again in my head. I honestly want to know. What is it that I do that scares all of you away? Maybe it's my looks... but I don't think that's it. I know that I am not the prettiest girl in the world, but I'm not ugly. Even when you see me for who I truly am and you tell me I'm amazing, what is it that makes me so uninteresting? I am the one you come to to talk about things. I am the one you like to hang out with more often than other people. So I ask you... why? What is it that makes me not good enough for you? I think we could really have something if you ever gave me a real chance. Honestly I shouldn't like you nearly as much as I do, and I certainly shouldn't be around you as often as I am. You have no idea the impact that you have on me. I am more miserable and more happy when you are around. Can you even imagine what that feels like? Feeling completely opposite feelings at the same time. It's awful. It makes me hate you when you aren't around, or when I'm not thinking about all of the things I love about you. Something NEEDS to change...