it's hard to quit something you love.

5% of the time i am 89% sure that you are into me as much as i am into you, the other 95% of the time i am 99% sure that you aren't, and and 100% of the time i am completely positive that you will never look at me with that intense awe in your eyes of which i desire for so strongly.

my friends warned me, but i thought i was strong and could resist the persisting thoughts of you. i was in denial for a long time. i admit it; i am completely obsessed. you are simply magical to me. the way you motivate me to be better and to care more, the way you invite me almost everywhere, the way you look at me when i have just surprised you, the way you carry yourself, the way you make me wonder if my heart has stopped beating or make me forget to breathe when you do a certain thing, the way you get things done when they need doing, the sound of your laugh when you truly find something funny, the way you kissed me on my cheek that one time, the way that you think i am cooler than i am, and the list goes on and on.

do you understand my problem yet? i care so much,way too much, and i haven't even let you in yet. i can't let you in ever... it would give you too much power... it would end up hurting me too badly. i hate this about you and i have noticed that i am rude to you more than to others for it. i can't let you hurt me when you don't even know. i will continue to keep this to myself... and those other few who know the partial truth of my feelings for you.

am i in pain now? yes. This is simply because i know it will never happen between us, because you will never care for me the way that i care for you. you could never care enough and we both know it. you want a girl who is prettier, and more motivated. i do not possess enough of these 2 qualities for you. i am a glutton for punishment, and i am my punisher. knowing that i can't have you makes my insides hurt... but it's better that i am the punisher to myself rather than you. this is why you can never know the truth of my feelings.

for these reasons i have to quit you. starting after next weekend. i HAVE TO quit you. i need to find another who i care about just as much or more, and have them care back.

this does not mean we won't be good friends. in fact you probably won't even notice a change. hopefully i will just spend less time with you and more time with new people.